The 'Me time' rarity in every mom s life and the newly found word 'Mindfulness'

Okay so... I'am not really good with resolutions ... the so called new year resolutions or birthday resolutions ...also last few years i've treated new years as just another day ..oh well how boring and dull in the eyes of some party hoppers.. but yes  i'm yet very enthusiastic about small tit bits but im no way the party hopper, dancing all night, using the cell phones to call poeple who are not around and wish them and then waking up late on new years day and going for another party bcos its new years. No way I can't do that this is not then this is now, the 30 s... its beautiful and i don't miss my teens ...




I love my 30 s bcos im slow... im laid back... i don't feel like rushing into something... im not running a rat race in my career. I dont have,constant urge to check emails. I dont want to do what the world is doing. it is just this amazing feeling of being lost to a awesome world, steal some 'Me time' whenever i get a chance and amidst all this the bumble bee boy is growing at a super sonic speed. His  english with gramatical mistakes is too cute to be missed. He wants to question something and give an answer to it by saying 'I think its a ....'   he also wants to talk fast like adults and would eat away words with a burp...his latest is 'Thirsty crow story taught by his grandmom'  He rushes and pushes the crow to fly away happily that's what we hear eats up most words in between lol... he loves walking with the mobile phone in his hand and shaking his head ok, I see, hmm, all imitating the adults in the family.






So ... when I pause and think about this bumble bee he is super busy we all are complaining about time and work and errands I'm glad the daylight saving will strike soon to enjoy an extra hour in the busy day.Have you noticed that our world seems to be speeding up all around us? There are plenty of cultural examples, like Justin Bieber becoming an overnight sensation via YouTube  so much so to the tunes of 'Baby' my 4 year old connects my mobile to a blue tooth headset and jumps like a monkey on the bed thats his dance move btw :-!

As a woman and as a Mom or just as you , it’s important for us to recognize the speed of change that’s happening around us, and consider the skills and approaches that have historically contributed to our success and need to adapt to the realities of our lives.  Given my large family there's always someone to talk with and learn from. Most recently my Aunt  proved, once again, to be an invaluable teacher.



For context, my Aunt  is about 25 years older than I am. As a woman, mother, and experienced executive at IBM, she lead a hectic life right from her 20 s. This past few years she s'  become calmer, more present, quicker to rebound from disappointment, and has more clarity of purpose. She lives in Australia in a small town .  Her new "zen" state is impressive so I asked her how she was achieving it. With a smirk on her face she replied, "I'm practicing mindfulness."   At the time I didn't know much about mindfulness except that it was working for my Aunt ! At the first instance I thought its another lecture on positive attitude and life stuff - you know what I mean but it did make sense to me today that im in the 30 s boat. As my friend Setuka grins  Oh Priya please do not ask me to read books on life and motivational stuff  if I tell her to read a Robin Sharma but Here's what I've learned so far and have been "practicing" for the last month or so and Setuka this is for you my dear friend.



While the 'Me time' rarity circles my life and every mom s life what matters is live the 'Me Time' thoroughly if its one hour of shopping do it - live it. if its a coffee with a friend or a date night with your partner live that moment and please do not discuss your daily errands and managing a toddler it might be the toughest task but not during 'Me times' please !!



So whilst I'm both religious and spiritual  I discovered both are different and can have its own meaning. What I've learn about this eleven letter 'Mindfulness' (just as long as my last name 'Ram - chan -dran' is :-))

• Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention to the present.  It's living in the moment, rather than dwelling on the past or anticipating the future.
• Mindfulness is about observing your thoughts, feelings, and body without judgment. Rooted in Buddhist meditation, it aims for acceptance rather than framing things as right or wrong.
• Mindfulness can improve overall wellness. It has been proven to be beneficial for our bodies and minds. Research studies have shown improvement in the immune system's ability to fight off illness, increased positive emotions, reduced stress, increased focus, improved memory, and improved empathy. 

I realize this might sound a bit hokey or too abstract for some. Here are actionable things to train our minds to stay in the present, be highly productive at work and home, and energize, rather than drain, us.

• Change the lens. We all perceive situations based on our beliefs, opinions, and ideas. Without realizing it, these "lenses" shape how we perceive information. As humans we tend to recycle the same thoughts or thought patterns. This can be limiting, negative, or judgmental. Trust me I hate the damn word 'Judgemental' I was recently frustrated by a comment a Mom made on my 4 year old s naughty attitude who is busy practicing some pushes and kicks on his timid friends not always when some do not co - operate or annoy him . Almost my entire family genes with boys especially is being super naughty and then the same boys grow up to be the most shy and quiet personalities  so I kind of relate to it and my cousins jokingly ask me who got the punch today. But trust me he looks so cute when he does that it cracks us up but I have to stop it if it goes over the bucket. I jokingly tell my family and friends maybe he took Mr Marwah s comment very seriously  my parents neighbor in Mumbai  gifted my  new born son a silver bangle which in Punjabi is called 'Kada' and its from their Gurudwara (place of worship)and Mr Marwah said 'Beta Maarke aana lekin kabhi Maar Khake mat aana' meaning ' You hit but do not get hit by others'  :-)  Okay so while I intervene and ask him not to do it this judgemental person  who has a lot of time in life so I say creates a bibiliography on me and my son. Get a life please don't judge a 4 year old. They just go through these phases big deal !!  .......okay now im deviating from my spiritual being sorry so as per my Aunt,   Mindfulness involves consciously exploring these "lenses" in the moment to break habitual patterns that aren't productive and retrain the mind. And maybe most importantly, be comfortable not thinking at all.  Be at peace with simply being


• Distance is good. Mindfulness encourages us to step back and examine how our body, emotions, and thoughts come together in response to a situation so we're not carried away, or along, by it.  Put some distance between the experience and your reaction to it, particularly when you can sense a strong emotional response.
• Think small….really small. This one is pretty hard. Slow down and examine small, routine actions to raise awareness of your body and your emotions. There's a raisin exercise that's commonly cited in mindfulness.  You eat a handful of raisins one by one, rather than tossing a handful in your mouth, so you can individually observe the taste, feel, and process.  The idea is that by raising awareness of small habits or moments you actually increase your ability to influence larger, more stubborn habits or moments.  (Admittedly, I haven't attempted the raisin exercise yet).

• Meditate in a way that resonates with you.  Whether it's 90, 60, or 10 minutes, have a formal daily practice of focusing on the present through meditation. For my friend Setuka I introduced her to a Zumba class if you cannot do yoga or those meditation related stuff do anything that resonates you why not be a hip hop or Zumba class right ..

There's a vast body of research on mindfulness. I haven't even scratched the surface, and I haven't done any of these things consistently yet let alone practice but I aspire to in various ways I'd give it a thought for sure.



Many of us would agree that increasingly we live in world of grey ambiguity, rather than black and white certainty. And, that world seems to be moving faster, as technology advances afford us greater transparency and the ability to analyze, understand, and disseminate information much more quickly. I’m curious if you agree that the world does seem to be spinning on its axis just a bit faster. How are you preparing yourself to be successful in a rapidly changing environment? our kids are the best example they are growing so so fast. So Pause breathe think. watch this video and tell me what you think. Thank you once again for subscribing to my blog. Enjoy that 'Me time rarity' I aspire to watch a broadway with my buddy in NYC that's my planned 'Me time' for this fall and I'm looking forward to it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwWhvm5RHZE&feature=youtu.be

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwWhvm5RHZE

The most elusive goal ... striking the work life balance and being a good Mom.

....So i called it  day a off from work and pre school of course  ... thanks to the impending inclement weather the snow storm all over east coast. I woke up early to see the snow flakes pouring outside and said wow to myself can stay in my pyjamas all day ....refilled my coffee mug and got on to something i love ... Blogging about my little sunshine the bumblebee who makes my life busy. After staying home full time for 3 years and experiencing the better side of life of doing things at your own pace, watch the little bumble bee/sunshine s whimsical ways, waking up to 10 am mornings  i do love these day offs where the week gets shorter.


Whilst I'm not this unflappable working mother doing everything right and getting organised and running this laundry list i must admit i'm still very lazy and love day dreaming too. Now does that make me a bad Mom. Probably yes in the eyes of many perfectionist who are mechanial and operate like machines.

Some intruiging yet a cute free advice i got...

Aunty Ann - 'Dont you have to cook a meal for the rest of the week since you are a working Mom....I used do all my cooking and deep freeze it wake up at 5am Thaw it and give it fresh to my kids you should do that too.

Me - Awesome idea 'Aunty'

Me - To Myself - 'Thanks but no thanks', Whilst Aunty s idea is lovely and would mean i wont enter my kitchen for the rest of the week .... nahhhhh

To me this is more complicated and so mechanical and also a lot of time and effort goes into thinking. Well its just me im sure everyone has a way but  the society in general thinks  working mom s are stressed out and do not give anything fresh to their kids. Another one from my old friend in Mumbai who has 2 kids -  In US you don't have to do anything i'm sure bcos the dayare provides you with all the food and i'm sure your kids must be so falling sick every month in the daycare hence i toh never did that plunge ever with both my kids . There are all sorts of 'judgemental human beings what do i say... I get all sorts of free question marks on foreheads from people i dont even know
So... how do i get the time to hit the playground. how do i get time over the weekend to hit outdoors in this weather  - don't you have to finish your grocery and wen do you do the laundry. What about cooking, cleaning, organising your closet  ..'.best one ' don't you make fresh rotis or you just buy the readymade frozen food for your kid or you let him eat at the school?

The answer to all of the above is 'shut up'

And  Hey You, Im a Good Mom! I do all of it!!

What matters to me is to see a happy face in the morning when we wake up  cuddle tight and i sing the 'You are my sunshine' song to him... we give each other a 5 minutes hugs pugs and then our day starts ... im ready with breakfast on the table ... i've packed his lunch already (my son s daycare does not provide food only snacks....so  i do all of this when hes sleeping not very early but a alarm that snoozes for about half an hour and i call it morning at 6.30 am....im not organised and i don't pack things the previous night i do some of it at times depends really and then im a desi and i do make fresh rotis its a 2 minute job why stress on the round shaped rotis i don't care if it looks like a half moon or india map... of course i have a machine that kneads my flour.. and i use all sorts of short cuts ... whatever works best.

Fortunately i work on a compressed 7 hour a day kind of schedule. Thankfully I have no laptop or work from home option my job does not need that.   Well  so we are apart for 6 to 7 hours in a day but thank god with the winters here we have all the evenings to us i do take him along to fetch some grocery if need be, we hit home get on to our pyjamas and have it all for us. I dont even think about all of the questions above all i do is think about him when im driving and what fun stuff we are gona do next i love to see that face lit up like a moon when i pick him up from the day care and ready to hold my finger and walk down with me ... its that moment of pause that matters that happy feeling of having missed each other ..that matters and making up for those hours we missed. even 1 hour of good bonding and forgetting the world could do that for me at least. I have a no cell phone rule in the evening i let it stay in the bag it workss wonders.

Its important we respect ourselves and our decisions in life i know its tough but we gota hear our instincts every now and then and work according to that.

We are all good moms. We are all trying our best for our kids. Sometimes we fail, we are stressed when they are sick, most often we fight it and we suceed. As moms we put so much  emphasis on our flaws which we should'nt. I see good moms out there all the time. At my son s day care i see all moms happily talking to the kids about how good was their day, i see good moms at the library who read out to their kids, i saw a good mom who took her son out of the library bcos he was loud, she is teaching her son about rules, routines and expectations. The mom who forgoes cooking dinner and drives through Mcdonalds so that she can spend more time playing and less time cooking is a good mom too. Its the quality of time not quantity as my cousin rightly said!! Aunty Ann is a good Mom too bcos she did what is best for her kids.

As Moms we never hear appreciation but get criticised easily when our kids dont behave or fall sick but we are all good moms at the end of the day so appreciate yourself and speak to yourself while driving or while getting ready look at the mirror and say how good you are. Do not tag yourself as a working mom or a stay at home mom, you are simply a good mom.It is what it is.